puzzled

I've been always thinking what's wrong with me. Every time I fall for someone, things just get screwed up. Is this what I deserve? I just hate myself. I've done everything I can to make my life better. Ended up, I didn't manage to change anything AT ALL. This is my fucking life. I don't like the people around me. So do the people around me, they don't like me. I'm tired of living a life like this. How I wish that someone could just pick me out from this world and put me elsewhere. I don't know what to do and where to go. I'm nobody. Even if I distinguish from this place, no one would ever notice. Pathetic but this is me.

utar-rians

Sometimes i'm wondering whether did i made the right choice coming to utar. Not that i don't like this place, but the people around me. They just pissed me off. What sort of thinking they are still having? This is the modern age. Do you expect people to wear clothes like the do in the olden days? Cover every inch of your body that you can cover and that's beauty? That's conservative. I don't know the people came out from the jungle or what. Thinks like a caveman and act like one. Hey, i just can't stand it. Stop pissing me off and get out of my way.

random

If you ask me, how's life in kampar? I would definately say it's boring shyte. I also don't understand why i've chosen here. Recalling back, i think the reason is someone said it's nearer to ipoh and you can come and find me. Excuse me, how often is it so? I would say that i've made the wrong choice coming here. Why am i so damn moody everyday? I think i'm just lying to myself that you still love me the same. I can't stand that myself is keep telling me this but the fact is that you're leaving me. You're walking out from my life bit by bit. You're just afraid that i can't accept this "devastating" fact that you don't want me anymore. I understand that there's nothing last forever. Love is just something i hunger for since i'm small. I always wanted to have love, but it seems impossible. You will never understand what i've been through. Everytime i own something, it'll soon be someone else's. This is life this is me.

SPM is over

okays. SPM is over. Everyone knows that right? At least it's over for me. If you ask me how was it, I can say it's nt as easy as I thought it will be and it's not as hard as everyone thought it'll be. Finishing spm means a new path of life. What i wanna be in the future? oh.. seems like it's so so so blur. I actually don't know. Even if i know there's still lots to think about. Sometimes i've been thinking, why i didn't come from a wealthier family. Ah well, it's not something that i can choose right? I can't choose wehre i came from bt i got the power to change where i'm going to be in the future. hmmm.. my big plan for my long holiday. Well, firstly, i'm going to work. Which i've started. Secondly i would wanna save some money for vacation. What's holiday without going for a trip elsewhere then ipoh? Thirdly, i've got no idea yet.. So.. first and second.. that's what i'm going to do for my long long holiday.. ^_^

random post

once in a while.. I'll feel lost inside.. I felt like everything just come and go.. There's nothing that can last forever.. Actions are like unspoken words.. There's always a clue to everything that may be happening.. At least i think i can understand those clues.. or maybe i misinterpret them.. I'm not sure of it.. Every time i think that that particular relationship is worth it to put my feelings into them, it'll get screwed up.. Be it friendship or anything else.. I didn't expect anything in return.. But just that I'm tired of being the only one giving in.. Giving in all that i can.. but what i get is jsut a cold shoulder.. or maybe worse.. a stab on the back.. Is this what i deserve?

TKD Tournament

On the 26th of July I went for my first tkd tournament at Selama, Taiping. Wow! it was an EYE-OPENING experience for me. Exclude the first time for being at such tournaments, it made me realise that Ave Maria is such a beutiful school. Look at the condition of that school which the tournament was held, fui yoh.. ave maria is like 100x better. Besides a better view in Ave Maria, the hygiene of the place is another issue. There's like tonnes of flies lingering around that place and they particularly like to stand on those dumplings head. My god. Wonder did the flies drop some of their precious next generation on the "heads".

In addition, I think the tournament is quite unfair. The way the judges help the same races with them. When they see different races competing together, they don't even look at how they spar or what. By the end of the round, they'll just raise their flags up without considering how good or bad the the person is. Luckily, my category is almost all chinese, so there's not so much unfairness in the judging. This is the first time I saw all my friends showing their violent-ness. Everyone was like doing their best to hit their opponent for the free-sparring event. One of my friend even went berserk and kicked her opponent's "private part". "piak" and followed by a thud. My god. Poor thing. But she deserves it cause she's the one starting the kicking "there".

I also saw the kids free-sparring. Those primary or they are just kindergarten. So small size. So cute. Wearing the bulky gears and hitting here and there. I enjoy looking at them.

It's an experience that I'll never forget for my life because I think it's a great opportunity to go to these type of tournaments with my friends. By next year, we might not be able to have this kind of gathering together and going tournaments together. Oh ya. The results. Me and Bao got bronze medal for the free-sparring event. Didn't thought that I can get a medal. If you know me you'll know why. I'm very gentle. ^_^ LOLX.

Because of this tournament, I met one of my very very old friend which I knew since primary 1. We lost contact like 2 years ago. It was quite shocking that I saw her there cause she actually walk over and asked me whether I remember her. I didn't really recognize her at the first place cause she really changed a lot, in appearance I mean. She lose a lot of weight. We exchanged phone number and even planned a meet up with our primary friends. It's great to hang out with her again. It reminds me of my 6 years of primary life which she always play a role in it. Before school, after school, those times which we laughed and grew up together.

Fat hao-ing after finishing my lunch..

The retard look on my face. haha. Friends 4 eva.

memorable moment

it have been quite some time since i updated my blog.. well, i've been for a trip to KL.. Wow.. It was extremely happy without parents around for a trip.. hohoho.. going to bed late and waking up early.. that's what i did for the 2 nights in kl.. For the 1st day i reached kl by 8 plus, by the time i reach the place i was suppose to spend this 3 days 2 night, it was already about 10.. Went for dinner and then went home and have some fun by talking and crapping with donkey zhai.. LOLX.. The 2nd day we went to Berjaya Time Square, took a few photo there.. Spent almost the whole day there.. but we didn't manage to shop the whole building.. haha.. Went to play pool with donkey zhai at night.. This is the first time i'm playing pool, i had a great time cause i believe i'm so lucky that i simply poke and the ball just manage to go into the hole.. hohoho.. Tried mamak food in KL.. was a new experience for me.. cause the blended orange juice is so nice!!! and the roti pisang!!! *drooling*For the last day, we went to to bus station and that ends my kl trip the moment i stepped on the bus back to ipoh.. When will be the next time i can visit kl? awww.. donkey zhai~~ bring me bring me!!! Eager to go.. LOLX.. Looking forward to the next trip to kl.. ^_^

a picture speaks a thousand words.. LOLX.. it shows how happy i am while i am in kl.. XD